The Adventures of Colonel Gordon Stamford – Series 2

Colonel Gordon Stamford Halloween Special: The Pigeon

A spooky poem with a nod to Edgar Allen Poe. You can read the poem while listening to the episode below.

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The Pigeon“The Pigeon”
A Colonel Gordon Stamford Halloween Adventure
Once I slumbered wetly drooling, from my mouth, the spit unspooling,
After many a brave and intrepid adventure never had before.
While I muttered, hardly waking, suddenly there came a shaking,
As of something faintly raking, raking at my closed front door.
“Tis some hooligan” I muttered. “Raking at my closed front door-
Only this and nothing more.”

Then it seemed a bird-like scratching, sounded like the claws were catching,
I waited and such a noise I heard again once more.
So I waddled, hardly stable, walking more than I thought able,
In my haste I banged the table, table leaving me quite sore.
Then broke into my chamber, surprising me when I was still quite sore-
Through the catflap, I had never seen before.

And I spied me there a pigeon thinking, staring at me, eyes unblinking.
With shining eyes that instantly I abhor.
Looking at me, my heart sinking, wishing I was out and drinking,
In the pub, with glasses clinking, clinking with my comrades from the war.
“Would I where there” I remarked, with my comrades from the war.
Not this pigeon, with his eyes I can’t ignore.

And that pigeon, he was glaring, eyes upon me, fixed and staring.
As I nursed my injury from my place upon the floor.
That’s not all that was doing, looking at me, faintly cooing,
Furthermore the bird was pooing, pooing like a hell-beast of old lore.
“Will you desist?” I screamed at that pooing hell-beast of old lore.
Said the pigeon, “Nevermore.”

When I saw it, shocked and peering, and my mouth was vaguely sneering.
At that hideous mess that dropped my jaw.
Certainly I was not sniffing, couldn’t help but keep a-whiffing,
While the Pigeon came a zipping, zipping round his new décor.
Once again he let loose, adding to his new décor.
There was effluence galore.

To the door I started crawling, exhausted, my body hauling.
Trying to keep my distance from the filth congealing wetly on the floor.
Stuck and shattered, I was sobbing, clutching at my leg a-throbbing,
Grabbing objects and still lobbing, lobbing in my fury I outpour.
And that pigeon at whom my fury I outpour
He will leave me. Nevermore!

 

A RIDDLE OF AN ADVENTUREEpisode 6: A Riddle of an Adventure

It seemed like an ordinary day until Colonel Gordon Stamford realised that the door of his favourite drinking establishment had been padlocked shut. The only explanation was a mysterious riddle attached to the door. In a flash, the Colonel found himself on the trail of a riddling Sphinx, racing against time to save his faithful manservant, Anthony.

In this extra special series finale, listeners are invited to pause the episode after each clue and guess along with the Colonel… after all, he needs all the help he can get

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Follow along with the riddles of the Sphinx on the Unit Radio Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/UNIT-RADIO-574917169312799/

LOOKING UP AND ADVENTUREEpisode 5: Looking up an Adventure

This week, the Colonel is off to Retropia Central Library to research some of the dangerous beasts that may lurk within the City’s walls.

What starts out as a quiet afternoon among the stacks, however, may end up as a much more adventurous outing than Stamford had previously planned…

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TWINNED WITH ADVENTUREEpisode 4: Twinned with Adventure

Anthony and Sophia are hoping for a well-earned break away from their ‘boss’ the intrepid gentleman explorer Colonel Gordon Stamford.

While wandering around Retropia’s art gallery, however, they soon find out that two Stamfords may not necessarily be better than one!

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toying with adventureEpisode 3: Toying with Adventure

This week’s thrilling instalment sees the Colonel and his companions visiting a good old fashioned toyshop, belonging to the allusive Madame Sirene.

Will it all be fun and games for our three fearless friends, or will the feisty fellowship find their latest adventure to be fatal?

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STAMFORD COMMUNITYEpisode 2: Doing Community Service for an Adventure

Owing to the events of past heroic deeds, and being upstanding citizens of Retropia, the Colonel and Anthony are undertaking some community service.

Within this mission our adventurers uncover a dark and devious plot aimed to bring down the very fabric of prosperous society.

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stamford gargoyle posterEpisode 1: Out Late for an Adventure

This week our adventurers emerge from one life-threatening caper, only to quickly stumble upon another… this time in the dead of night.

When the eagle-eyed Colonel spots a rogue gargoyle scaling the heights of the Great Cathedral, he knows immediately what must be done – the little beast must be returned to its rightful place on the cathedral walls before the City has a full-scale gargoyle revolution on its hands!

They must keep it down, however, or the neighbours may throw stones at them…

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Enjoyed this Episode? Then listen to many more exciting adventures with Series 1 of “The Adventures of Colonel Gordon Stamford.”